I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
