I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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