Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
