You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
