Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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