Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
