Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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