I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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