my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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