Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Acid is not a monday night drug
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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