Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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