i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
