Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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