He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize