i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
