There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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