i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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