Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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