somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
