i would punch a child for taco bell
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
