At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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