Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
