She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
