so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
