she smelled like a LAN party
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize