It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
