WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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