I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
