can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
