Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
