Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he puts the penis in happiness.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
