I think my vagina is haunted
are you so shy because you have an std?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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