Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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