hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
