Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
