guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I got inside last night via doggy door
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
