if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You need Xanax blowdarts
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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