lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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