That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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