Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
