just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
