i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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