he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
