the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
