Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Let's paint friendship bongs
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
