Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize