There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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