I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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