C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
