yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize