Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
