I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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