I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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