go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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