i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
