Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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