i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize