He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Pooping to opera.
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