Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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