Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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