youre lurking in front of me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
