I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize