I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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