I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
