my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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