The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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