my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
