Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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