This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
