We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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