i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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