do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
