You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
