I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He better not be in your backpack
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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