im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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