Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
