I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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