I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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