If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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