You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
