It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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