so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
